Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Not such a great idea

This is yet another ad by that Dr. Oz "forever young" magical cure guy.

Forgive me if I don't understand the appeal of this.

A teenager? Again? Really?

It was great to be a teenager once, but I wouldn't want to be that way now. Pimples, awkward body, flat chest, bad haircut. I do not associate my teenage years with the word "gorgeous." And judging by the other photos in my yearbook, I'm pretty sure nobody else does either.

Maybe this guy's ads work for some people, but every ad so far has just been a turn-off for me. His marketing people should probably try a different approach if they want to get my seal of approval.

Because that's what they're going for. Right.

Friday, June 12, 2009

It's beyond me

I find it amusing to point out stores with names that were probably thought to be clever puns at the time, but are really not because they're cheesy, or they don't make sense, or both.

I've found two of them in Atlanta.

"Lettuce Souprise You" is a restaurant with just too many food allusions that don't really make sense, because when you say it out loud, "Let Us Surprise You" is simply not a good name for a restaurant. It does not make me want to eat there.

Or how about the sex shop named "Inserection." It makes me think that the creators of the store just wanted the name because they just wanted to somehow "cleverly" use the word "erection." They make some sort of link to a "sexual revolution" or something on their website, but it's a stretch.

There's another crafty store some where in North Carolina called "4 Seasons 4 U." Or maybe it's "Four Seasons 4 U." It really doesn't matter. It's heinous either way.

Maybe I'm just anal about these things, when other people think they don't matter. In the long run, I'm sure they don't, but they provide me with a momentary wry laugh and a sigh for the plight of our culture and creativity.

I probably shouldn't even get going on badly designed websites, misspelled and mispunctuated signs, eggcorns, and the nonsensical common use of the word "literally" in place of "figuratively." Like, "I literally laughed my head off" or something. Fortunately, there are lots of people who agree with me, and there's even a blog devoted to the many abuses of the word.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

A plant story

Remember those pretty plant seedlings from a few months back?

Well here's the tomato.

Home Depot killed my plants. Sort of.

For a while, my plants have had these little bug things crawling in the soil and flying around. I learned from the internet that these were called fungus gnats. I went to Home Depot to find a solution to my problem.

After examining various ominous and deadly pesticide concoctions, she handed me a bottle and said "Let the soil dry out, then spray this on it."

"Thanks!" I said with glee and clutched the poison tight. I was going to rid my plants of these bugs forever.

I didn't wait for the soil to dry out. It was going to take too long, and those bugs were everywhere. So I squirted and sprayed the white pesticide with abandon.

Well, a few hours later, my plants drooped and choked for breath. The spinach died. The tomatoes died. It was a plant massacre. The larger plants, like the cilantro and the zucchini, are slowly suffocating, gasping, and turning yellow. It's too bad, because both of those plants were blooming.

It was then that I picked up the bottle and examined it myself. Nothing on the bottle says it's acceptable for plants. It's the kind of poison you spray directly on spiders and ants and wasps and stuff. And now I can say with certainty that it also kills plants.