Sunday, March 15, 2009

49 days

Just 49 days until graduation (not counting today). I am having such a hard time concentrating or feeling motivated to do any kind of school work at all. It sucks because I have a lot to do, and I really need to do it well. I just don't want to do any of it. And as each day goes by, I feel less and less concerned about that. At first I was upset and confused to find myself so unmotivated. Now, I've come to terms with it, and I just don't care. I'll be honest, I'm usually a driven, motivated A student. This semester, I'm not doing A work, and I can't seem to get myself to want to.

I want to do anything else.

I baked bread last night. I should have taken pictures of it, but I forgot. Cinnamon raisin bread.

Andy and I are looking for a decent place to move into. We're too far away from my job and his school. Plus this house is really small. And I would really like a dishwasher. And two bedrooms would be nice, because having all this office and computer stuff right in the living room is a pain.

I picked up an apartment guide the other day and have been flipping through it. I told Andy to hide it from me because I keep looking at it, trying to pry apart the curtain of time just a little and peer into the future. I really, really want to know right now where we're going to move. I want to go apartment shopping today, this minute, and tour apartments and neighborhoods. I'm shaking with anticipation but I'm paralyzed by my current situation.

You see, the way it stands now, we can't afford any of the apartments in that apartment guide. However, if I get hired full time at the magazine after I graduate, my income will expand significantly, and we'll be able to afford a relatively nice apartment - maybe even one with a pool and tennis courts! But I can't know right now whether I'll get hired full time or part time, or even if I'll get hired at all. And it's too soon to ask. I need to wait a couple more weeks to talk to them about it.

So we can't know my income, which means we can't budget, which means we can't look for a suitable apartment to fit that budget, which means that I'm sitting here impatiently, desperately wanting to know the future.

This sucks. I should go do some homework.

Yeah, right.


  1. missy, i'm right here with you in this boat. another unmotivated, normally A student who just can't flippin get her butt in gear. haha. is it not the most frustrating thing EVER!?! luckily the quarter system is helping me out and since it's finals now i can start fresh in two weeks. whew. another 10 weeks of new classes to ditch out on (which i NEVER used to do) and procrastinate for (who am i? haha).

    and the moving thing too. matthew and i have NO idea what we'll be doing or where we'll be next year. it's truly horrifying. i want to make all of these plans but i just CAN'T. let's move into a commune and help each other out. deal? lol.


    I typed that in caps, because I feel you want more, and more importantly deserve more. I ... well effed around in high school and college. I never really determined anything.

    If you ride the tide eventually you'll get caught in the undertow.


    I am right with you as far as apartments go. Well sort of anyways. I am trying to see what all of Lauren and I's options will be once we're wed. She has a really great place with decent rent... but my landlord offered me a 3 bedroom for the same price. I don't want a three bedroom, but it opened my eyes to the fact that there are good deals to be had.

    For some reason I felt like you guys' apartment was larger. I guess everything always seems larger the first time you see it.

    I honestly could see you guys finding great jobs and a very comfortable and inexpensive place to make your home in Oklahoma or NW Arkansas, hell even Missouri (although nothing and no one good ever came out of MO... lol).