Just 49 days until graduation (not counting today). I am having such a hard time concentrating or feeling motivated to do any kind of school work at all. It sucks because I have a lot to do, and I really need to do it well. I just don't want to do any of it. And as each day goes by, I feel less and less concerned about that. At first I was upset and confused to find myself so unmotivated. Now, I've come to terms with it, and I just don't care. I'll be honest, I'm usually a driven, motivated A student. This semester, I'm not doing A work, and I can't seem to get myself to want to.
I want to do anything else.
I baked bread last night. I should have taken pictures of it, but I forgot. Cinnamon raisin bread.
Andy and I are looking for a decent place to move into. We're too far away from my job and his school. Plus this house is really small. And I would really like a dishwasher. And two bedrooms would be nice, because having all this office and computer stuff right in the living room is a pain.
I picked up an apartment guide the other day and have been flipping through it. I told Andy to hide it from me because I keep looking at it, trying to pry apart the curtain of time just a little and peer into the future. I really, really want to know right now where we're going to move. I want to go apartment shopping today, this minute, and tour apartments and neighborhoods. I'm shaking with anticipation but I'm paralyzed by my current situation.
You see, the way it stands now, we can't afford any of the apartments in that apartment guide. However, if I get hired full time at the magazine after I graduate, my income will expand significantly, and we'll be able to afford a relatively nice apartment - maybe even one with a pool and tennis courts! But I can't know right now whether I'll get hired full time or part time, or even if I'll get hired at all. And it's too soon to ask. I need to wait a couple more weeks to talk to them about it.
So we can't know my income, which means we can't budget, which means we can't look for a suitable apartment to fit that budget, which means that I'm sitting here impatiently, desperately wanting to know the future.
This sucks. I should go do some homework.